The Next Step in Human Evolution is Giant Burrito

One of my most formative experiences as a child was watching MTV Spring Break in the late 90s. Specifically, the segment in which Jerry Springer invited two spring breakers up onstage, wrapped them together in a giant tortilla— complete with salsa and shredded cheese—and made the crowd cheer until they made out. For a good long while, I assumed that's what sex was—two people smooshed together in a human burrito. 

I have since learned the scientific details of the birds and the bees, but that doesn't make the invention of this grown-up sized tortilla towel any less exciting. Now you too can live out your [totally non-sexual] dreams of becoming a living, breathing Mexican food menu item. The instructional video above demonstrates the proper folding technique for making yourself into a taco, taquito, burrito, enchilada, and so much more.

But you better roll fast! At just $35 bucks, these towel babies are already on back-order at Big Cartel. So get yourself on that pre-sale wait-list and get ready for some toasty beach cuddles.