10 Hilarious Slang Terms For Masturbation, With Illustrations

According to Harvard Medical School, masturbation is a crucial way to ward off cancer if you're a guy: "high ejaculation frequency seem[s] to protect against prostate cancer." Masturbation can also relieve stress, boost your mood and can help you sleep, no matter your gender. Unfortunately, we live in a world that isn't exactly cool with publicly celebrating the awesome benefits of masturbation.

That's too bad, because masturbation is frequently as hilarious as it is healthy. Luckily, open-minded people throughout human history agree with me on its hilarity and have come up with some outrageously clever euphemisms for discussing masturbation in open forums. Here are some of the best ones I could find, for both male and female masturbation. See if you can tell which term is for which gender.